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The Host (2013)

Monday, 24. June 2013

The Host
Director: Andrew Niccol
Writer: Andrew Niccol
Based on: Stephenie Meyer‘s novel
Cast: Saoirse Ronan, Diane Kruger, Max Irons, Chandler Canterbury, William Hurt, Frances Fisher, Jake Abel, Emily Browning

Plot:
Melanie (Saoirse Ronan) is one of the few remaining humans who don’t have a “Soul” yet – a parasitic alien life form who took over earth and the human bodies. But then she’s captured and Wanderer is implanted into her. But somehow Melanie’s spirit survives this. Fueled by worry about her brother Jamie (Chandler Canterbury) and her boyfriend Jared (Max Irons) she starts to fight Wanderer who is trying to mine her memories to find the last humans for the Seeker (Diane Kruger).

Much as with Olympus Has Fallen, I went into this film with extremely low expectations and armed with alcohol (this time, we didn’t run out halfway through) and I swear that this is the only way to make this film even slightly bearable. But if you’re drunk enough, it does become extremely entertaining.

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[There will be SPOILERS.]

Let me tell you about this movie. This is a movie where the aliens say with a strange face that by doing things differently from humans, they are more humane. It is a film where another guy says with a straight face: “Wanderer is quite a moutful, can I call you Wanda instead?” It is a film where protagonist A (Melanie) is in love with the dude who first tried to cut her throat and then forced a kiss on her when they first met, while protagonist B (Wanda) is in love with the dude who tried to choke the life out of her when they first met. It is a film where young, beautiful dying women who can only be saved by implanting a Soul are just conveniently lying around (seriously, if Wanda had been implanted in a 70year-old guy in the end instead of Emily Browning, that would have been interesting drama with Ian).

In short, it is a film where two people will kill one and a half bottles of flavored vodka by drinking everytime something stupid happens. [Teashoe, sorry, I'm not counting the two sips you took, even if you were a little drunk after. ;)]

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I haven’t read the book, so I don’t know whether the script improved anything or made it worse. But as bad as the script is, it seems hardly possible that it made anything better. Nothing makes sense. And there were a couple of moments where I just couldn’t help myself and laughed out loud in the worst way. The other people in the cinema probably hated me. Or wished they had my drugs.

The production design isn’t bad, but it’s standard sleek future where everything is empty and shiny. The soundtrack is so far on the wrong side of manipulative, it actually stops working at all. And not even William Hurt or Saoirse Ronan could act in this film. There is really nothing actually positive that I could say about the film apart from it making an awesome drinking game.

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Summarising: Shitmazing.

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6 comments

  1. I’m very proud of you for making your statistics-teacher happy. :)


    • Thank you! I’m proud, too.

      (Actually, it’s rather ridiculous that a thing like this makes me glow so much, but it did and it’s cool. :))


      • It is NOT ridiculous. Recognition is important for human beings (zoon politicon and everything).
        And nice surprise and unexpected praise are cool.


        • No, but it is kinda ridiculous. But it is okay that it’s ridiculous. You sometimes need the unimportant ridiculous stuff as well.


  2. “protagonist A (Melanie) is in love with the dude who first tried to cut her throat and then forced a kiss on her when they first met, while protagonist B (Wanda) is in love with the dude who tried to choke the life out of her when they first met.”
    Yup. Violence is the #1 way to be loved. *headdesk*


    • Well, if he doesn’t hurt me, how do I know he cares? If he isn’t overwhelmed by passion, how do I know there is any?

      *retch*



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